What I’ve learned in 30 years.

I just turned 30.

I have mentioned in some of my previous blog posts the things I have been doing this year to ensure that I enter my 30’s on top of my game. As I reap the benefits from my efforts, my excitement just continues to rise.

My teenage years were never really fun for me. I was a timid nerd with braces whose day usually ended in tears. My family just moved to a new town the summer before high school started (and not like a big city, either – it was one of those small towns where everyone knew everyone else and they had all grown up together.). So, grade 9 wasn’t the thrill and rush it seemed to be for everyone else. I was bullied and I was made fun of – I would NEVER do high school ever.

Then there are your 20’s. You’re young, you’re ‘grown’, you make your own rules, you can create the life you have only been able to dream about until this point and finally discover who you really are. This part of life many people might consider to be their ‘Prime.’. However, when I was 19, my mother was overcome by devastating cancer that took over her body with a vengeance. She was given a month to live and thanks to her will and fighting spirit, she ended up living almost two years past that (never underestimate the power of positivity and strength).  With that extra time that we were so lucky to have, my life was basically put on hold. It was a mess. I had taken a year off of college, my boyfriend of two years was cheating on me with his best friend, we sold our house and moved in with family while living out of suitcases and boxes, and I basically lived on an air mattress on a hospital floor.

Needless to say, losing my mother at such a young age and trying to reconnect with the
people around me was not easy, and my 20’s got off to a rough start.

Which brings me to where I am now- my 30’s!

Remember when you were 16 and turning 30 was considered ancient?

16-year-old me believed I would be rich, married (at 24) have 6 kids, own a house, a car and have the world figured out, because duh- you’re old, you’re 30. My life is nowhere near where I thought it would be at 30, but I couldn’t be happier with where I am- and the lessons I have learned.

Life REALLY is Short

This is one of those sayings you will always hear yet never truly understand until you experience some sort of major trauma, losing a loved one. Think about all those times that you stressed yourself out for no reason and whatever it was you were worried about that never happened. Life is too short to worry about every little thing and no matter how careful you are or how well planned or you believe your life is – things will get messy. So learn to embrace the change.

Learn to say NO and goodbye to people in your life

If I could go back and tell my 20-year-old self ANY piece of advice, it would be this. Once I learned this **LIFE HACK**, I literally did not have to do things I didn’t want to do., I don’t have to be friends with toxic people, and so on and so forth. Learning to say NO and standing up for yourself enough to walk away from dead or toxic relationships, and having different opinions from those around you- THAT’S OKAY. You literally can say no to everything and everyone if you want to (and this week, I want to), but just remember that. No one can make you do something you don’t want to do.

Being an adult is hard but actually pretty fun

We all joke about having responsibilities and going back to a time where our parents made all our major decisions, but at the end of the day – would any of us really want to go back to that? Once you have been given a chance to do whatever you want, whenever you want and without having to consult anyone else, I think it would be pretty difficult to go back to asking someone else for permission. Plus, if you want to quit your job and move to Miami, guess what? YOU CAN. If you want to spend the entire weekend in bed watching Netflix and ordering post mates – you do you, boo. It’s an amazing thing knowing that we have the power do whatever we want, buts it’s the accountability that is the scary part – not the being an adult part. When we are responsible for our own lives and the choices we make, then we only have ourselves to blame when things aren’t the way we pictured them (as much as you would like to try to blame your parents well into your adulthood).

What’s meant to be will ALWAYS be

 We have all heard this before, but I think it takes a few experiences in life (both great and horrible) to really understand how true this statement really is. I’m not talking about getting back together with your ex or finding a few bucks in your pocket. I am talking about fated events that changed you profoundly. Life events that forced you into becoming the person you were meant to be, that brought you together with that person you were meant to be with, that placed you in situations that introduced you to something amazing and, maybe even life-changing. My ‘fated’ experience involved my move to Miami. I grew up in Canada. I got both of my college degrees so that I could graduate and go work for my favorite hockey franchise * spoiler alert, it’s the Ottawa senators*.  I had found the man I thought I was going to marry, *spoiler alert- I didn’t* and I had my perfect dream life in Ottawa picked out, down to the penthouse apartment I wanted (it had a closet that could support my shoe collection). Anyways, fast forward 6 years and I was on a plane moving to a city I have never even visited before *spoiler alert, it’s Miami*. It’s been over 6 years since that day, and I only recently found out my parents met in Florida. It was meant to be! Everyone has their own version of what is fated, but I believe I am where I belong now and hearing my parents’ story only further validated this belief.

You can’t break up with a soul mate.

Now the term soul mate means something different to everyone, to me a soul mate is a person who makes you better, someone who helps you grow into the best version of yourself (possibly a version even you didn’t know you could be). Someone who loves every part of you, a person you cannot easily walk away from. Someone who makes you want to be better, not for them but for you. They bring out the best in you. They are rare and amazing but when you find them – it’s life-changing. I think you can have a few soul mates in a lifetime, after all, they are essentially amazing people who are meant to be in your life but not necessarily meant to stay there. They bring lessons, whether it be just for you or for the both of you. So far in my lifetime, I have had two people that I consider my soul mates. Both have meant everything to me but in different ways, and both have profoundly impacted my world and who I am today. They both pushed me or forced me to do things I would have never done or tried. To this day I would still do anything for both of them, and I am still so thankful I met both of them.

You are nicer to yourself.

One amazing thing about your 30’s (not that I am an expert yet or anything..…) is the ability to not care as much about things that you used to beat yourself up for. We aren’t perfect- and we never will be. When you finally accept you for you, you will not be affected by anyone else’s opinions of you. My father always says to me ‘If I’m walking down the street and someone yells HEY ASSHOLE, I’m not going to turn around. Because I know I’m not an asshole.’ Now, I know this is funny and kind of simple, but it completely changed my outlook. Plus if other people’s opinions aren’t paying your bills or making you happier, then what’s the point of paying them any attention? Give yourself a break.

Okay, here goes nothing. Wish me luck.