The fear of doing.
We all have goals.
We all have dreams.
But why is it that some people are doing what they want to every day while others appear miserable, lurking others on Instagram in fear of missing out, watching them live their best life while they are seemingly stuck living a life they hate and working in an office with people they dislike?
That answer is easy: because it’s safe.
There is a certain safety in your comfort zone — and as cliche as it sounds like, life happens outside of your comfort zone. Truth.
‘You either spend your life building your own dreams or helping someone else build theirs.’
The number one reason we don’t do what we want to (in literally every aspect of our lives) is fear.
There are many different types of fear:
- Fear of not being good enough
- Fear of being judged (what will others think?)
- Fear of our own abilities
- Fear of not having enough (resources, money, perseverance)
- Fear of being accountable to oneself (I’ll have to face my fears)
- Fear of timing (will I be ready?)
- Even fear of success (I don’t deserve it)
The number one reason we don’t act on what we want is FEAR of failure.
Fear of failure can overtake you and paralyze you if you let it.
Dreaming is easy. Dreams are free, they don’t require real commitment or responsibility and you can literally do or be anything you want.
Goals come with a cost, hard work, and risks.
Goals will also motivate you and give you what you want in life instead of just thinking about it.
Goals produce results, they have deadlines and require action and responsibility.
You aren’t going to build that empire sitting at home thinking about it and by the way, there will never be a perfect time to do anything. So if that’s what you’re waiting for, you’d better start decorating that cubicle you hate.
Launching my own business last year was tough. Really tough.
I had a lot of people messaging me asking me how I knew it was right, how I came up with the resources when I was ready to quit my job — and guess what — I wasn’t.
I was scared shitless to launch my business and my website. I would stay up at night dreading my blog posts because I was worried about how they would be received. I quit my job because I was tired of being miserable and helping someone else build his dreams instead of me putting effort into building my own. I put everything I had into it — BUT I DID IT and that is the only thing that makes me different from someone else with a great idea.
Tony Robbins says the difference between thinking of an idea and doing it is two seconds. After two seconds you start to doubt yourself, your idea and who knows what else — the fear starts creeping in.
Recently, I have started to expand my business and blog. In a large, VERY scary, very real, very costly, very time consuming “change my life” kind of way. Even though I am aware that I am completely capable, smart, supported, have the resources and have accomplished the hardest part (the implementation part and trust me that was hard enough), it’s still scary. But what’s stronger than the fear is the opportunity and reward that comes from building the life I have ALWAYS wanted. Creating something that was once a dream in my head has outweighed the fear. Never having to wonder “what if” or having regrets twenty years from now. I will have either tried and failed, or tried and succeeded and living my dream life every day.
Sometimes I wake up and say ‘I feel the fear and I’ll do it anyway.’ And many times I wake up and say ‘I do this out of love for myself.’
Growing, transforming and elevating your life by going after your goals and dreams is something that a lot of people won’t understand. They either don’t want you to succeed (this is more common than you may think), or feel they can only be in your life when they feel you are on the same level as they are (not above — how dare you!), or resent you for having the courage to actually TRY, or they just flat out don’t want to see you happy!
Don’t forget, you are the product of the five people you spend the most time with. Chose those people carefully.
If you don’t have a group who supports you, then why do you have them in your life? If someone is mad for becoming a better version of yourself — get rid of them! I have been very blessed in this respect. I stay in touch with most of my childhood friends, the crew I have found in Miami is basically a bunch of BADASS women (and some badass men too) who hustle, look amazing, have fun, and do nothing but support me and what I do, I have found an amazing mentor and an incredible business coach, and I have LITERALLY the best parents in the entire world.
Having this support group didn’t come easy either. I had to cut out some of the most important people because they were toxic or not adding any value to my life. I had to get rid of people who were always victims, or who couldn’t handle my growth. I found friends who pretended to support me but deep down resented me for being successful and for making myself a priority. This too is part of the doing stage: shedding yourself and your life of the things and people that aren’t necessary and weigh you down.
So how do we release fear?
Write it out
Daily journalling has tremendous benefits. A speaker I just listened to said ‘if you write your goals down you are 80% more likely to achieve them.’
This was a funny recommendation to me but its turned into one of my favorites. The internet has incredible resources and if you have the time and patience and willpower to learn what you want to learn, you will.
Research others who had accomplished what you are trying to accomplish.
Find out what motivated them, learn from their mistakes, educate yourself on EVERYTHING you can.
Meditation is another one of those cliche things that actually works. If some of the most successful people in the world meditate on a daily basis (think Jerry Seinfeld, Nicole Kidman, Clint Eastwood, Lady Gaga, Oprah, Howard Stern, Martin Scorsese …), clearly they are on to something. Will Smith said it was like hitting a reset button in the middle of your day and seeing what’s possible.