When you are locked inside your house (or your parent’s house) for five days straight, preparing for a hurricane that could potentially leave your city unlivable for who knows how long, you start to think about things.
These are some of the thoughts I had and the lessons that 2017 has taught me, the hard way.
Every relationship is a lesson to learn, and every person in your life served a purpose.
It’s so easy to not get caught up in the drama and the emotions you feel when you know an important relationship is coming to an end. DISCLAIMER: I am not talking about strictly love relationships but any important relationships you have.
I have moved around my entire life, growing up I never stayed in one town longer than 5 years max. Obviously, I have met a lot of people and thanks to the power of social media, I have been able to maintain many important relationships with a lot of people, I have also had many losses in my life that seemed like the end of the world. There were certain friendships and people I fought too hard to keep. They were a lesson, and a lesson that took me years to learn: Not every one you lose is a loss and when ANYONE (Seriously I mean anyone…) decides to leave your life, hold the door open for them.
Change is hard, and sometimes we cling to the idea of what we want instead of what is actually best for us. I am guilty of holding on way too tightly no matter how toxic the person or relationship was. I’d always give 100%, ignore the red flags and my intuition, forgive them when I shouldn’t and pretend to myself that they are worth my efforts. By ignoring these actions, I welcomed toxic boyfriends, even more, toxic friends and was being surrounded by toxic activities. Toxic people are the ones who use and abuse you, who take advantage of you. These people will make you feel so insecure that you get to the point of not even questioning their actions or explaining how you feel because you are afraid of the reaction or already know somehow it will be turned around on you, and you will be made out to feel guilty and dramatic. When you let fate do what it wants and remove these people from your life, you will realize that they did not bring value to your life. They did not help you grow or push you to be a better version of yourself, and you will wonder why you tried to hold on to them so tightly.Let people who want to leave, leave. Because no one who respects you and truly loves you will let you go that easily. Wouldn’t you rather spend time with and invest in the people who appreciate your time and your company anyways? It’s a hard lesson to learn, but it’s an important one for all relationships.
Let people who want to leave, leave. Because no one who respects you and truly loves you will let you go that easily. Wouldn’t you rather spend time with and invest in the people who appreciate your time and your company anyways? It’s a hard lesson to learn, but it’s an important one for all relationships.
“When you respect your own boundaries, you won’t allow anyone in your life who doesn’t.”
Never regret the people you let into your life.
We have all been through life experiences that toughen us up and make us think twice about trusting people again. Whether it be a friend or an ex, being hurt by someone you love sucks but without the bad people, you wouldn’t be able to appreciate the really good people. We are only human, and as humans, we are constantly changing and growing. Sometimes the person you have grown into doesn’t have room or energy for these old relationships. That doesn’t mean that your old ‘best friend’ wasn’t worth those years of friendship you shared. Or the ex who turned out to be the exact opposite of who you think they were, just wasted your time (as much as it feels like that after a breakup). It means these people have served their purpose, they have taught you all the lessons they were meant to, and it should be comforting to you to walk ahead leaving these toxic people behind not scary. People will come and go but the ones who stay are the ones who are worthy of your time. The ones who come back deserved to be forgiven and the ones who leave were never meant to be in your life now.
People who don’t love themselves cannot love anyone else.
Again, this isn’t restricted to love. It’s human nature to love other people – your family, your friends, your cousins, your animals and of course your significant other. Of those people you love, you will love some more than others. But if they don’t love themselves, they will not be able to love you. They may care deeply for you, but care is not love.
You see when you love someone who doesn’t love themselves you will never feel like enough around them because they don’t feel like they are enough. These people tend to speak negatively towards themselves as well as others. You will change the way you act around them so you don’t make them upset or set them off, you are afraid to address certain issues because it always ends the same: you’re the issue (AHEM themes of a toxic relationship AGAIN). These people can not take responsibility for their actions and will DEFLECT onto anyone they can. They talk badly about anyone to anyone who will listen, they criticize everyone has things they don’t, and a lot of times struggle with addiction. In the end, you will feel more alone with these people then you would if you were actually alone. You won’t do anything but give give give in these relationships and they will do nothing but take take take. That is not a relationship- that is a dependency. It will drain you. If someone tries to make you feel like you aren’t good enough THEY FEEL LIKE THEY AREN’T GOOD ENOUGH.
It is also not your job to change anyone in this lifetime. You are responsible for your own happiness and they will be hard to find if you keep allowing these people into your life.
‘You can never build a kingdom with someone who craves attention from the village’
People who want to be in your life, are in your life.
Miami was supposed to be in the eye of a category five (possibly six) hurricane last week. If it chose to hit Miami head-on, the consequences could have been catastrophic. I quickly found out just how much I meant to the people in my life because I was bombarded with texts, calls, emails and FB messages making sure I was okay (THANK YOUUU FOR CHECKING ON ME). The ones who I didn’t hear from, well let’s just say it wasn’t too much of a shock. I am not saying you need to face potential devastation to find out who actually cares about you, but nothing will stop someone who cares about you from showing you they do.
We literally live on our phones. NO ONE IS SO BUSY TO TALK TO YOU. If someone is not replying to you, they are choosing to do so. Silence is an answer too. If someone is willing to walk away from you, they are choosing to risk you not being in their lives. It’s okay to put yourself first, it’s okay to be selfish and it’s okay to say no. Doing these things are in fact a form of self-love because you are choosing to do whats best for you despite how someone else feels about it. You are worthy of being surrounded by good people and people who try to raise you up and add value. If someone doesn’t add value to your life, fire them.
This summer I have experienced loss in many of my personal relationships. People who I thought were family, and some who I knew wasn’t worth a minute of my time. It was not easy, but it was necessary. You see at the end of the day I have come to accept that not everyone is here to stay. You may never know why they walked out of your life, but let them go with love and trust that whats meant to be will always be.
“We accept the love we think we deserve.”