Can Alphas Date?

The Alphas, Part III
Can the Alpha female date an Alpha male?

According to behavioral scientist Robert Sternberg, three important elements are factors for a healthy and loving relationship.

– Emotional
– Motivational
– Cognitive

Emotional Elements: How much you reveal about yourself to your significant other; which is what leads to the level of connection, affection, and trust you have in a relationship.

Motivational Elements: What personally motivates and makes you ready for action; your inner drive.

Cognitive Elements: The decision to love and stay in love with your partner.

According to Robert, relationships fall apart because one or more of these elements aren’t present. Your significant other could think you’re attractive (the Motivational Element), yet the other key elements are missing that make the relationship work.

So, he and she alphas – can they make it work? It seems like a modern day love story. An alpha male and the alpha female meet and fall in love. Together, they take on the world and are nothing short of unstoppable. Reaching every goal together, motivated by one another to do and to become better. They are proud of each other and the other person’s accomplishments. In theory, it’s the ultimate “power couple”. But according to nature (and science), this is not quite the way alpha-alpha relationships play out.

When alphas meet, there’s an instant attraction to the other. Both know how to command a room and either is the leader of whatever group they’re with. But what happens when they begin a relationship? We will explore both sides of this relationship, as it seems to be a very interesting topic.

The relationship will start off great (as most honeymoon phases do) but just as every
other relationship, eventually the true and genuine self-comes out and, therein lies the problem with two alphas dating. The biggest challenge? Who is going to be the leader? Trust me, this will become an issue. For an alpha, one person always takes the lead and 99.9% of the time it will be “this alpha”. Which tends to result in disagreements within the relationship — they will try to talk it through to reach a compromise but in the end, nature takes its course. One thing that no alpha can do is compromise the leadership role nor let someone else take the lead, even if it is the partner they love and respect. It is also important to note that alphas actually can’t even attempt to work on their behavior with other alphas. They are ruled by ego, not confidence, and strength. This is very applicable in a relationship with two alphas. A man in love will do anything he can to make things work with his significant other, alpha or not.

When an alpha meets another alpha, there’s a fight for dominance, it’s in their nature (there are multiple examples of this in the animal world). If this doesn’t happen then it’s because one of them isn’t a true alpha. Very few people are “all alpha,” it is extremely rare. When it comes to dating, this usually turns to mental arguments and explosive arguments. Mental arguments end up exhausting, and a true alpha male has no time or patience for petty games. This is usually the time where he will find a simpler, less complex woman (or vice versa with the alpha female seeking a simpler man) so he can focus on his needs without the worry or outwit between his partner. It’s also important to know that alphas can be in control without being controlling. Yes, there is a difference. If you are dating an alpha who has “control issues” there is probably other underlying issues. A lot of alphas feel the need to maintain control if they’ve lost control at some point of their lives. To be with another alpha means that they have to let go of control to some extent, which is a really healthy and difficult thing to do. It’s non-negotiable. This isn’t about choosing the easiest relationship, it’s about choosing a relationship that is worth the inevitable hardships. Any relationship involving two alphas will be challenging.

So, can two alphas be together? Absolutely

The most important part of alphas in dating is to maintain their sense of individualism and uniqueness. Alphas dating each other can be a beautiful learning experience because they will push the other to be better and it challenges you. You are a partner, they are not your babysitter or teacher. Two alphas can be together if out of a sense of want, and not need providing there are no signs of codependency, which can be toxic in any relationship.

But can they be together long term? Not according to research and studies.       

“Alpha men are very turned on by the alpha woman – really high chemistry, really fun to work with, probably really fun to have affairs with. But there can only be one person in the driver’s seat.” – Songwriter/Singer, Alanis Morissette

The alpha male has been an important part of society for as long as history can dictate, the Alpha female is a relatively new product of the society that we are still adjusting to.

Catherine Gray (award-winning relationship author) recently conducted a study comparing chances of marriage relevant to IQ levels. Results found that a man’s chance of marriage increases the higher their IQ. However, as a woman’s IQ level increase, her chance of marriage quickly decreases. As a result, with the goal of finding a mate, we are seeing more successful women lie about their professional capabilities and her paycheck to make men more comfortable.

According to Gray, ”alpha/alpha relationships often lead to conflict and not blissful harmony.”

Healthy relationships experience conflict, it’s natural. The difference is when two alphas get into arguments. The disagreements are usually regarding important things, such as money issues and who is the breadwinner of the family, which career is worth moving the family for, who has to the one to make the sacrifice of starting over. And if they plan to have a family, which one will stay home? These issues tend to boil down to values, it’s not about who the alpha is but as mentioned, alphas usually share the same views when it comes to who is head of the household, however, it is ALWAYS them.

That said, it is possible to be a strong independent woman and successfully date an alpha male and vice versa. However, in order for this kind of relationship to be successful, one must be more comprising and submissive (even if it’s only for their significant other).